Rotational Confusion

While collecting a pizza from a well-known high street pizza company, I witnessed a disgruntled customer walking in and slamming his pizza box on the counter.
Employee: Hello sir, how can I help you?
Customer: You got my pizza wrong, I ordered half pepperoni and half sausage.
Employee (having opened the box): It looks fine to me, sir. What’s wrong with it?
Customer: I ordered the pepperoni on the LEFT side!
4 August 2009

My First Computer

Andy: There's the hostmaster laptop if you want to use that
Stewart: What about this laptop?
Andy: That's a scanner
30 October 2008

Beam Me Up Scotty

I've been watching too much Star Trek ... although I never watch it
Tam, 30 October 2008

The Clue Is In The Question

Kevin: I'm going to the Twickenham beer festival tonight
Mary-Jane: Where is it?
24 October 2008

Domestic Help

I need a PA, I really need someone to organise my socks
Tam, 21 October 2008

That Was The Week That Was

We haven't been to the pub all week ... except Monday
Ben, 16 October 2008

Celebrity Status (Reprise)

Graham: Just because you are known worldwide doesn't make you famous
Oxford English Dictionary: Famous (adjective): Known about by many people
16 October 2008

Time Travel

Mary-Jane: Would you go to the cinema after work Ben?
Ben: To see what?
Mary-Jane: Burn After Reading
Ben: I've already added that to my Lovefilm queue
Andy: Well if you've added it already you'll probably get it by 2007
16 October 2008

Cashless Society

If you pay for something using Paypal, do you need a Paypal account?
Mary-Jane, 15 October 2008

Adparatorium

Freesha: Where has Louise gone?
Andy: To the pub
Freesha: Has she gone home?
10 October 2008

Celebrity Status

Graham: Just because you are known worldwide doesn't make you a celebrity
Oxford English Dictionary: Celebrity (noun): 1 - A famous person; 2 - The state of being famous
9 October 2008

Completely Missing The Point

Andy: I don't like kidneys
Tam: Have you ever tried them?
Andy (with an enormous dose of sarcasm): No, I'm just guessing that I don't like kidneys
Mary-Jane: How can you say you don't like kidneys if you've never tried them?
8 October 2008

Coffee Break

We haven't had Sparducks for ages
Ben, that's Starbucks you fool, 8 October 2008

Spelling Bee

'C' as in Mother
Tam, spelling out something-or-other to a customer, 8 October 2008

Ooh Matron

Shannon took me up the data centre
Mary-Jane, 2 October 2008

Optionally Compulsory

There's only one thing that's compulsory but it's up to you if you do it
Tam, 2 October 2008

The Lost City

Ben: All the continents started off as one land mass
Andy: Yeah, it was called Pangaea
Freesha: Whatever happened to Atlantic City?
2 September 2008

Wrestlemania

Oh Shannon, I thought you were Hulk Hogan for a minute
Freesha, 2 September 2008

Wrong Game

Andy (quoting the BBC): "For decades, British Bulldog was a favourite among schoolchildren who bore the victory scars of scabby knees and torn trousers"
Ben: And black eyes and bloody noses
Tam: And cauliflower ears
2 September 2008

Where To?

Steve: Which one are you going to, Tabernacle or Great Eastern?
Tam: Tabernacle
Steve: Where's that?
2 September 2008

Innuendo

Mary-Jane: C'mon, help me out here, he wants to give me a free easy cruise
Andy: I'm sure he does!
2 September 2008

Don't Answer That

Oh God, what is in my pants?
Steve, completely out of the blue, 21 August 2008

High Finance

Andy: Is it hot in here or is it just me?
Graham: It's just you
Andy: Maybe it was that brisk walk back from the bank
Tam: Where did you go ... Bank?
18 August 2008

True Colours

Freesha: There was a sign saying smart casual and browns only
Graham: What colour brown?
8 August 2008

Unnecessary Questioning

Tam: Andy, do you like country music?
Andy: Yeah, some of it ... why?
Tam: I just remember you telling me that you liked country music
5 August 2008

Nature Or Nurture

Freesha: Are people born stupid or do they have to work at it?
Shannon: What?!?
Freesha: No, no, it's a quote ... something to ponder
Graham: Maybe you were dropped as a child
Freesha: Yeah, loads ... actually I dropped myself loads of times
23 July 2008

Speaking Clock

Ben: What's the date?
Freesha: It's Tuesday, no it's Wednesday
It was actually Thursday anyway, 10 July 2008

Flash Of Brilliance

Steve: Man, look at that lightning
Freesha: Was that thunder or lightning?
3 July 2008

Hungry?

Freesha: What do you want from Subway?
Andy: No thanks, I'm not hungry
Freesha: Then why don't you just have a 12-inch with chicken and salad?
3 July 2008

Hearing Aid

Andy starts singing Y'all gonna make me lose my mind by DMX
Tam: I was just listening to that song
Andy and Steve: We know
Tam: Could you hear it?
Andy and Steve: Half the country could hear it
Tam: When did you hear it?
Andy and Steve: Just now when you were playing it
Tam: Was it today?
2 July 2008

How Many?

Charles: How's that 250 user deal coming along?
Dan: Well, realistically, it's a 1 user deal.
2 July 2008

Five A Day

This is one of my five-a-day!
Freesha, referring to her daily fruit and veg intake while stuffing a bag of Mexican Chilli McCoy's, 2 July 2008

WWW

There is no web being done on work02
Freesha, that should be 'work on web02', 2 July 2008

'Social' Smoking

You don't smoke do you Ben?
Louise, while looking straight at Ben who had a cigarette in his mouth, 27 June 2008

Tentative

The meeting will show as tennative ... sorry, not tennative, tenantive.
Freesha, explaining to a customer how calendaring works, 27 June 2008

Steve & John

I know all about pimps and whores, but what's a John? A toilet?
Steve, 27 June 2008

Soup

Take-away soup? But what are they going to put it in?
Tam, failing to grasp the concept of bowls, tubs and cartons, 27 June 2008

Deliverance

I'm taking up the Banjo!
Freesha, 27 June 2008

Blindingly Obvious

Shannon: Does anyone fancy Noodle Express for lunch?
Freesha: What do they do?
27 June 2008

Three Of A Kind

Me and Louise and Mary-Jane had a three-way.
Freesha, when talking about some boy, 27 June 2008

Oranges

Do oranges grow on trees?
Freesha, 27 June 2008